Baby Daddy

Brandon felt the baby move today.

Merry Christmas to you, Daddy.

It's a girl

We're having a baby girl.

Somehow, Brandon and I both knew it in our hearts before we ever saw the sonogram, but it's nice to have it confirmed.

We paid the extra copay to see a perinatologist, and he was awesome. He walked us through everything, saying that everything looked good at each stage: legs and arms and fingers, skull and neck, face, heart, kidneys, bladder—all good.

And he got the money shot, showing she's pretty certainly a girl.

My mom texted me "SQUEEE!" while we were in the waiting room. It was fun to call everyone and let them know pink instead of blue.

20 Weeks

Twenty weeks today. The half way point. Next week we go for the ultrasound and hopefully find out the sex. I feel the baby move many times a day now, and I think that constant reassurance has made me more excited about everything.

Last night, I was singing to it in the car on the way home from work.

I'm still throwing up every couple of days. It's unpleasant, but again, a bit reassuring. I eel like I'm eating a lot lately, finding hunger where I didn't know there was any.

Expanding

I feel like I have expanded considerably in the last few days. I realize this is actually unlikely, but it feels that way. My elastic waistband jeans that I was wearing up by my belly button now feel like they're cutting me in half, so I've taken to wearing the waistband below my belly, but that makes me feel like I'm kind of... hanging out there. Even with long shirts.

And this is doubly strange for me because I am so very very aware of my belly. It's always been a source of anxiety for me, the size of it especially, and now, to be expected to flaunt it for lack of a better word, well, it's very weird for me.

I'm so used to sucking in my stomach all the time, but now, it's getting uncomfortable. And I'm having to reteach myself that it's OK to let it go.

Which is a pretty powerful metaphor, actually.

Early Morning Acrobatics

I've been lying in bed mornings lately, concentrating on my belly, wondering if I would feel anything.

This morning I was rewarded.

It wasn't big or dramatic, but I'm almost certain I was truly feeling my baby, my child, moving and stretching its little body. Amazing.

In two weeks we will see the baby again, Brandon for the first time. And we will find out if it is a he or a she.

I'm still feeling fairly overwhelmed, but I'm getting a bit better about making decisions.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" "I think so, Brain..."

I had a nightmare last night that my boss was berating me that I couldn't be a mother and have a career at the same time, and I distinctly remember that it ended with her saying, "God won't let you have both."

Which is both very creepy and somewhat LOLtastic as my boss is the LEAST religious person ever and doesn't believe in God. Add to that the fact that I certainly don't logically believe that I can't have both, and I don't think God swoops down and makes those sorts of decisions for us, and it's doubly weird.

Way to be subtle, brain. I get the anxiety part, but your arguments just don't even make any sense.