I have spent the last four days in abject fear of going to the bathroom.
I have seen blood twice, thin and red and fresh, and much more than there should be.
I have been to the OBGYN office and been consoled by nurses as they injected me with Rogam.
I have been consoled and terrified in turns by my family, the internet, my friends.
Everyone has a story. Everyone has a theory. Except me.
I have only the power to wait.
I have been put on “pelvic rest:” no pushing, pulling, or lifting. No laundry, no vacuuming, no yoga. Feet elevated. Rest.
How do you rest when you’re so afraid?
I suppose this is when I realize how real it is, when I am afraid for the life a few weeks ago I wasn’t sure was really there.
I am terrified. I am trying to stay positive. I am not always succeeding.
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