1 Year Old

Dearest Devyn,

Happy birthday, my sweet one!  What an exciting time for all of us! I can't believe you are already a year old.  It has passed in the blink of an eye.

You know, I make my living finding the right words for things, and so I can tell you with some authority that there are no words to describe how much I love you.  "Love" just doesn't seem big enough for this feeling I have when I look at you, my baby.

This is just the first of all the birthdays we have ahead of us to celebrate, and I hope each and every one is happier than the last.  I know that, in 12 or 15 years' time, you and I will have a very different relationship—and that's OK, that's the way it's supposed to be; but I hope that you will keep these letters somewhere near you always, and if ever we are at odds, not seeing things eye-to-eye, please come back to these words and be reminded of where we started, and where we will always be in our hearts.

You are beloved, my sweet child, more than you will ever, ever know.  I love you with every single particle of my being more than I knew it was possible to love.  Your daddy and I could not be any happier with you, with everything you are, everything you are not, everything you may be and everything you will never be.  I know it may be hard to remember sometimes, but you will never be anything less than perfect in our eyes.

I love you when you are sweet and bubbly.  I love you when you are screaming and angry.  And I love you every moment in between.

That awe I felt in the first moments I saw you, the first days we got to know you, has not diminished.  You are beautiful, brilliant, strong-willed, curious, brave, and friendly.  You are everything I ever wanted in a daughter, and everything I never knew I wanted.

It was so wonderful to be able to celebrate you this weekend with all of your grandparents and our friends.  Although I know you won't remember this birthday, sweet one, I always will.

Happy, happy birthday to the greatest gift we've ever gotten.

I love you always, my sweet baby.
~Mommy

10 Months (and 2 days)

Dearest Devyn,

Sorry this letter is a little late, my darling, but your Daddy and I have been incredibly sick with food poisoning since Monday night.  I can't tell you how glad I am you didn't get it!  We thought we were going to have to call in reinforcements on Tuesday, during the worst of it, but you were so incredibly good, we managed to get through.

You, by the way, are the sweetest little 10-month-old I know!  Just in the last week or so you have started wanting to snuggle more, you climb up into my lap just to sit with me, and when we were sick and would pull you up into the big bed with us, you covered me in the sweetest baby kisses.

You "sing" when you're happy, long, high-pitched notes of joy that make me smile right down to my toes when I hear them.  You have learned to clap your hands, and like it when we take turns clapping to each other.  And you have started to point to pictures in books—especially dogs—when I ask you to.  You absolutely love to read, whether someone is reading to you or you are looking at the books by yourself.

You love to get out and go, regardless of where we are going.  In the grocery store, you smile at little old ladies and little old men and just make their whole day.  You grin at the girls at the check-out register, so even when they're feeling a little surly, they just have to stop and smile back.  You love to shop with me, whether at the grocery store or anywhere else, because you just love to look around and see everything.  Long walks in your stroller are a favorite, too, when the weather is nice enough.

You rub your head against us as a sign of affection. (We think you must have learned it from the cat!) And the sweetest thing is that we have seen you doing it to the dog, as well.

Your hair is getting longer, and it curls up charmingly in the back when it is damp from a bath.

Generally, you are a very happy girl, and you bring so much joy into our lives.

We got some sad news this week that your great-aunt Marti passed away.  She was fighting a long battle against cancer, but all her family was able to say goodbye before she passed.  She was a sweet, kind woman who loved my uncle Joe very much.

In the wider world this month, the singer Whitney Houston died.  The Afghani people are rioting against American forces because some Americans burned some copies of the Koran.  It's been the snowiest February on record here in Colorado.  And they broke ground on the National African American History Museum on the National Mall in Washington DC.

I think we will finally get to leave the house today, after nearly a week of being sick, and do a little shopping, so it should be a nice day for you today, little one.  I've started plotting and planning for your first birthday party—just two months away!  I cannot believe how fast this year is going.

I love you always, my sweet girl.
~Mommy

9 Months Old

Dear Devyn,

I am just in awe of you, little one.  You have grown and changed so much in just the last month.

• You have learned to move on your own! You crawl or use two hands, one knee, and one foot to get anywhere you want to go.
• You can go from sitting up to crawling on your belly to sitting up again!  You are rolling over, sitting up on your own and crawling all the time now.
• You went from mostly "ahhs" and "oohs" to distinct syllables like "ba," "ga," and most importantly, "Dada!" and occasionally "Mama!"
• You are eating finger foods by yourself—and your favorite is still avocado.

• You got your first two teeth!  (I know you look a little cross-eyed in this photo, but it shows off your teeth!)
• You have pulled yourself up to standing for the first time!
• You've also gotten yourself into trouble (like getting into the dog food!) and have heard the word "No!" uttered sharply in your direction for the first time.  ;)

Every day you're doing new things.  I feel like I can hardly keep up!  It's like you went from being an infant to a baby in just a matter of days.

Your favorite books are ones with flaps you can lift up by yourself to find the pictures underneath.

Your favorite toys are alphabet blocks, a shape puzzle, and the musical walker you got from Poppy and Mickey for Christmas.

Your favorite songs are "Shake your Sillies Out" and "If You're Happy And You Know It," both of which we sing at story time.

In the wider world this month, Newt Gingrich just won the South Carolina Republican primary last night, the Broncos made it to the playoffs, but did not go to the Super Bowl, and the singer Etta James died this week.

We have been doing sleep training this month and you have been doing so very well.  You nap for about an hour and a half twice a day now and sleep mostly through the night, getting up just once to eat.  We still nurse four or five times a day, but you are eating so much new food all by yourself.  For breakfast today, for example, you had some egg yolk and some cubed pears.  Your favorite foods right now seem to be white beans, applesauce, and avocados—of course.

You are demanding my attention now, little one, so I will close for now by telling you that you are the light of our lives.  We love you so much it can never be put into words.

Always and always, my baby,

~Momma

Cousin Seth

Dearest Devyn,

Your cousin Seth is very sick.  A week ago last Friday, he went to the doctor and they found some things that they wanted to check out, so last Monday, they sent him to a hospital in Albuquerque to see a specialist.  By Thursday they had determined that he has T-cell leukemia, a very serious kind of cancer, and they started him on treatments that will probably last for at least three years.

This is very hard for me to wrap my mind around, because just three weeks ago we saw him at Christmas.  We played with him in your Grandma and Grandpa's living room.  I made gingerbread cookies with him in Grandma's kitchen.  And he was fine.

Of course, he wasn't.  This disease didn't happen over night.  He was already sick when we saw him, even though nobody knew it.  But it's hard not to think of it that way.  I can only imagine what your Aunt Heather and Uncle Eric are thinking and feeling right now.

The good news is that his doctors are very optimistic.  Many, many of the kids who get sick with this disease fight it, they fight it very hard, and they win.  Many kids get better and live the rest of their lives better.  And that is what we are all going to hope and pray for for Seth.

But it's going to be a long road.  For him, for his mom and dad and his sister, and for all of us who love him.  And I wanted to write to you about it today, because it's an important thing that's happening in our lives.  We're going to do everything we can to help Seth and his family, and I believe, with all my heart, that he's going to beat this.

Love always,
~Mommy

Seven Months (and 1 day) Old

Dear Devyn,

Oops!  Forgot to do your photo shoot yesterday!  So these are photos from when you are seven months old—and one day!  

I was reading through some of my previous letters to you last night, and it's amazing to me how much you've changed.  Things I was amazed by just a few months ago—laughing, grabbing toys, sitting up—are now things you do every single day.  But one thing that hasn't changed is how much I adore spending my days with you.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and this year, you are the thing I am most thankful for.  I wrote a couple of days ago about remembering that I should be thankful for poop blowouts and 3am feedings and crying—every single part of you—because those things, along with all the good things, are what make you you.  And I am so thankful for every part of you.

I am thankful that you sit up by yourself now all the time.  

I am thankful that you love to pull all your toys out of your toy box.

I am thankful that you like to go to story time and play with the other babies.

I am thankful that you really like your little French farm book that makes animal noises.

I am thankful that you are learning to put yourself back to sleep when you wake up at night.

I am thankful that you are learning to take naps without your swaddle.

I am thankful that you love eating big people food—this week we introduced beets and plums.

I am thankful that you waved to your Gran on the computer this week!

And so much more!

Last week we started going to mom and baby yoga classes, and they are awesome.  You really seem to enjoy yourself.  Today you just talked and crowed and laughed the whole time.  So, we will definitely be keeping that on our weekly roster.  And, last week I left you in the gym's daycare for about half an hour, just to try it out, and they said you did great!  

Your favorite book is still "Pajama Time," which your dad and I can pretty much recite by heart now.  Your favorite toys are Sophie the giraffe and anything that rattles or makes noise when you move it.  Your favorite songs are "Shake Your Sillies Out" and the good job song I made up.  

In the wider world this month, the Occupy protest movement is still going on, as is the primary race for the Republican presidential nomination.  (I just learned today that candidate Mitt Romney's full name is Wilfred Mittens Romney.  MITTENS!)  And in Egypt, protesters have returned to Tahrir Square to demand that the military caretaker government hold real elections right away.

I'm so looking forward to all the upcoming holidays with you, sweet baby.  You make every day more special for me.

All my love,

~Mommy

Six Months Old

Dear Devyn,

I can't believe it! Today you are six months old.  Time has flown by so fast and already you are half a year old. You weighed 13 pounds, 6 ounces this week and I feel as though, developmentally, you are growing by leaps and bounds. You can sit up unsupported now and scoot all over your play mat.  You hold yourself up on your arms—doing your push ups as your dad likes to say—and it will only be a matter of coordination before you figure out how to get those legs under you and crawl.

You also started eating solid food this month, which was pretty exciting for me.  You've been eating rice cereal, applesauce, pears and avocados for about a month, and today you will try sweet potatoes for the first time.  You've taken to it like a champ, and you've liked everything you've tried so far.

We also got you an exersaucer a couple of weeks ago, which you really like.  You can stand up in it and play with all the toys.  I'm amazed at how much you look like a big kid when you play in it.  Your favorite toys right now are that, Sophie the giraffe, a rattle that spins and a soft book that you love to chew on. Our favorite books to read are "Pajama Time" and "You are my I Love You."

We've been going to story time at the library this month, since the new mom's group is over.  I think you really enjoy it.  You love to look at the other babies, and you grin like crazy whenever we sing "Shake my Sillies Out" now, which is how they end each story time.  We've been going with my friend Tiffany and her son Logan, who is two months younger than you.  We still go walking with the stroller club, and you love to go for long walks when you can look around in your stroller.

Your Gran and Pop came to visit this past month, which was really fun.  We got to go to the pumpkin patch and pick out pumpkins, and you looked at all the animals and people. 

You also got your first cold this past week.  I don't think it made you feel too terrible, but you have had a really stuffy nose and maybe an eye infection.  We thought maybe you were cutting a tooth last weekend, because you were really grumpy, but now I'm pretty sure it was your cold that was making you feel poorly.

In the wider world this month, Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple, died.  A large, national protest movement called "Occupy Wall Street" is making news, protesting against big banks and financial firms. And a man in Ohio released dozens of wild animals that he owned, which then ran amok in his small town.

It's hard to imagine that in six more months, you will be a year old.  You grow and change so fast, that every time I feel like I'm getting the hang of things, they change again.  It certainly keeps me on my toes! But I wouldn't trade a second of it, my darling.  You are the shining star in my life, now and always.

With more love than you can imagine,
~Mommy

24 weeks, 5 days: Savoring the Moments

I went back to bed this morning with my angel in my arms.

Some mornings, Devyn falls asleep in my arms while she's eating her 6am meal.  And some mornings I manage to slip her back into her crib, undisturbed.

But this morning, I thought to myself, How many more days do you have when she will fit so perfectly in the crook of your arm?  How many more mornings are there when you will have the luxury of taking your baby back to bed with you, cuddling her and snuggling her while she sleeps, when you won't have somewhere else to be?  How many more moments like this will there be?

And the answer was too few.  Too few by far.

Five Months Old

Dear Devyn,

Happy birthday, my angel!  You are five months old today.  As I write this, you are lying on a blanket on the floor next to me, happily watching the dog and playing with your toes—both new, grown-up things you do! 

A word about Bella, since I've mentioned her: she seems really fond of you.  She's always watching you and giving you kisses, and it's really fun that you've started to notice her.   I can't wait until you two can really start to play together.

Lately you have been really hungry and you’ve needed more food than I have to give, so we’ve been giving you one or two bottles a day to supplement, and you’re growing so well!  You weighed 12 pounds, 9 ounces this week, which is nearly double what you weighed when you were born!  So your dad and I have decided that we’re going to start you on some rice cereal this week.  And you’ve slept all the way through the night twice this week, without us doing anything different, so while I realize it’s not totally likely, I’m really hopeful that maybe you are teaching yourself to do it without us having to do any sleep training with you.

Speaking of sleep training, I gave up trying to cry it out with you at nap time after two tries.  I decided that I wasn’t ready.  Thankfully, you’re napping much better lately; while you’re still taking short naps, at least you are going to sleep more readily without waking up every time I put you down.  I thank you for that!

I am constantly impressed by the little person you’re becoming.  You enjoy playing by yourself almost as much as you enjoy playing with one of us, and you really need your “alone time” to have a good day.  People think you’re serious, because you don’t smile easily when they wave toys at you or make funny noises; I think you’re just contemplative and aren’t fooled by that kind of nonsense, because you smile easily a lot of the time.  You still love it when we sing songs and play games together, and you are learning to explore your world.  You reach out and try to touch everything you can. Anything I’m holding, you want to hold, too.  We went outside yesterday to pick tomatoes in the garden, and for the first time, you were interested in pulling the grass and grabbing the leaves of the trees when we walked around. I picked some herbs for you to smell and watched your little expression change as you marveled at your own senses.  And as I mentioned, you’ve finally noticed that the dog and the cat move around of their own volition and you want to reach out and touch them, too.

You seem to be just seconds away from crawling every time we put you on your tummy.  You still haven’t mastered rolling over from back to front, but I’m not concerned.  You can scoot and rotate yourself on your back or your front—so much so that I’m never sure what position I’ll find you in if I turn my back for even a second.  It won’t be long and I’ll be in SO much trouble, because you’ll be mobile and on the go.  We've also decided that we had better start weaning you off your "burrito" bundle, since you will be rolling over soon.

Last weekend, I went away for two days and an overnight to attend a writing conference, so you and Daddy were on your own—and you guys did great!  He told me you were a little fussy falling asleep, but I bet you did that just to make me feel better that maybe you missed me.  You are such an independent little lady, and I couldn't be more proud of you.

 In the wider world right now, the Palestinians are going to ask the UN to officially recognize them as a country in order to bypass the peace talks with Israel and "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" officially ended, allowing gay people to serve openly in the military.

I can't even find the words to tell you how much I love you.  I love spending each and every day with you.  I love watching you grow and change.  I can't believe it's already been five months that we've been together; time is flying by so fast, and I want to be sure to remember every single thing.

I love you and love you, Miss Baby.

~Mommy

September 11

Dear Devyn,

Today is the tenth anniversary of the attacks on September 11, 2001. I was 20 years old and a junior in college. My boyfriend back home at the time worked the night shift, so each morning he would call me as he was getting ready to go to bed and I was getting up for the day. I was sitting in bed chatting with him when his mother came over to his house and told him to turn on the TV and I turned on mine. We watched the tower two burning from where the first airplane had struck it and then, to our horror, we watched in real time as the next plane flew into tower one.

I was living in Santa Fe, many hundreds of miles away from the attacks, and yet everyone was scared. The Los Alamos National Lab, where your dad worked at the time, showed live news coverage of the event. After the second tower was hit, the news said there was a third plane, and that no one knew what the target was. The bosses at his work told people they could go home if they wanted to because people were afraid the lab might be a target.

Classes were canceled for school that day. We had the only all-school assembly of my entire college career. I remember the president of the college telling us that they were setting up a special phone bank for students from New York to call home.

I'm getting a little teary-eyed just typing this. I know it's going to be hard to explain to you when you get older how scary and horrible that day was, and by the time you're really old enough to start to understand, we may be remembering the 20th anniversary, so that's why I wanted to write my thoughts down today.

I think the worst part was not knowing whether or not it was over. The people on the news really didn't have any information beyond what we were seeing, live, through the cameras. There was a third plane, which crashed into the Pentagon, and then a fourth brought down by the passengers who didn't want their plane to be a weapon. We were all just so stunned, so shocked, and so suddenly afraid of what was lurking outside our country that we'd never considered before.

It's been a challenging decade for our country in the years that followed. Our entire perception of the rest of the world has shifted. While your dad and I were not directly affected, it has changed how everyone in this country thinks and acts.

It's easy to say that THEY are evil, that THEY are out to get us, that THEY are all bad and that we are all good. But I think the one main thing I personally took away from this terrible tragedy is something I hope you will learn early in your life: while there may be small amounts of terrible evil in this world, there is always also outstanding good.

There was no nation responsible for the attack on September 11. There was, nominally, an organization which claimed responsibility, but really, it was the evil act of just a few men. In response, some of the things our country did were (quite a bit) less than perfect.

But above it all, there were individuals doing amazing good things. There were the firefighters and police officers who ran into the disaster area to help, when everyone else was running out. There were the passengers who would not allow their plane to be a fourth weapon. There were the thousands of volunteers and workers who tried to rebuild New York. And there are the thousands more who have decided to mark each September 11th by volunteering in their own communities.

When you learn about this event of our history, when you read this as you get older, I don't want you to be afraid of what happened or afraid that it could happen again. We can't live our lives in fear of what might be. All we can do is do what we can to learn from it, and to work toward preventing it, and the biggest thing you and I can do to prevent anything like this from happening again is to learn to practice tolerance. Tolerance is the antidote to fear. Tolerance allows us to seek to understand people who are different from us. We don't have to agree with them; we don't even have to like them. But we do have to grant that they have as much human right as we do to think, act, and believe as they want.

If there is one lesson I hope to teach you as you grow up, my darling, it is that. Be as tolerant as you can and seek to understand those who are different from you. Those skills alone will make you one of the people doing outstanding good.

All my love,
~Mom

"There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies. My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness. If you have a particular faith or religion, that is good. But you can survive without it. Whether one believes in a religion or not, and whether one believes in rebirth or not, there isn't anyone who doesn't appreciate kindness and compassion. Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." ~Dalai Lama

Four Months Old

Dear Devyn,

As you turn four months old, here are a few things I want to remember about you at this age:

• You have dimples in your elbows.
• You love it when I sing the alphabet song, "Baby Beluga" or "Too Marvelous for Words."
• We watch Friends together most afternoons. (I know. I KNOW.)
• You've gotten so much more active, just in the last couple of weeks, grabbing for your toys and swinging them around while you crow at the top of your lungs.
• Your first laugh made me cry with joy.
• Many times when you smile at people, you'll grin a huge, toothless grin, then turn away and hide your face in my shoulder. It's almost as though you're playing at being shy or coy and it's the most adorable thing ever.
• When you're first waking up, you bury your face in my shoulder and sigh. I love it.

You are growing so incredibly fast. Today you weigh 11 pounds, 8 ounces, up from 6 pounds 6 ounces when you were born, and at the doctor last week, they told us you were 24.5 inches long—two whole feet! You rolled over for the first time this month (from your tummy to your back)—then you seemed to forget how for a few weeks—then you started rolling over again like you'd never stopped. You seem to actually like tummy time now; I think it's because it doesn't tire you out as much to hold your head up for long periods, because you're getting stronger and stronger.

You also drool like it's your job. We've had to start putting bibs on you just so you don't soak through your clothes every day. And you LOVE those bibs! You grin like mad when I put one on you and immediately bring it up to your mouth to chew on it.

Just about everything goes straight to your mouth these days. You've gotten really adept at putting your toys in your mouth, and you tend to get frustrated if something won't go to your mouth—like the toys suspended above your play gym.

We've got a pretty good daily and weekly routine down now, which, in my short experience, means it should be changing at any moment! You sleep about six hours at a time at night and then wake up to eat before sleeping another three or four hours, eating again, then sleeping another two. That's not so bad, all things considered, and your dad and I appreciate it. It's taking less time to put you to bed, too. In the beginning, we needed to bounce you for at least 15 minutes after you fell asleep to make sure you would stay asleep when we put you down; now it takes only five minutes, maybe 10, to make sure you are sound asleep.

We go to the new mom's group every Monday to hear the speakers, chat with other moms, and get you weighed. On Tuesdays we go to the farm to pick up our box of veggies, and on Wednesdays and Fridays we go to an area park somewhere and meet up with the stroller club so I can get some exercise.

You also had your first non-family-member babysitter this month! My friend Stephanie came over to watch you for a few hours while I went to interview for a job as a dining tour guide. Apparently, you gave her a bit of a hard time; fortunately, she's not holding it against you! Next weekend we're throwing a party in your honor so all our friends can come meet you. And then, the weekend after that, your Grandma and Grandpa Renner are going to come visit for Labor Day and baby sit so that we can have a night out for our anniversary. Hopefully Gran and Pop will also be able to come visit you this fall.

In the wider world this month, the stock market has been going up and down like a yo-yo after Standard and Poors downgraded the U.S. credit rating and people are worried about national debt, both here and in Europe. The 2012 presidential campaign also got underway with the first "straw poll" in Iowa for the Republicans; Michelle Bachman won. Also, the Martin Luther King, Jr. memorial in Washington DC opened this week, and will be dedicated this weekend on the anniversary of his "I Have A Dream" speech.

My darling Devyn, I can't even begin to put into words how amazing it is to have you in my life. I "officially" went back to work this month, writing from home for Yellow Scene and doing some projects on the side for other companies. Before you came along, I was worried that I wouldn't take well to being a stay-at-home mom; I worried that I would get bored or depressed because I wasn't out working, busy doing something outside the house, interacting with other grown ups.

I couldn't have been more wrong. In the first place, you are anything but boring! You keep me on my toes every single day. I never want to "get away" from you, and I miss you every time I am away from you. There is always plenty of work to be done around the house (sometimes it gets done, sometimes not so much!). And when I do need adult interaction, it isn't hard to find; going to our mom/baby groups has been wonderfully helpful, and because of your amazing father, I've still been able to see my friends, go to my writing group, and do all the grown up things I want to do to help keep me balanced and happy to be home with you.

You really are the center of my life, in ways I could never have imagined before you got here. I know (from experience now!) that you won't be able to truly understand this until you have your own kids, but I'm going to keep trying to show you how happy you make me every day.

All my love,
~Mommy

Comments

Now that commenting should be open to everyone, I also wanted to let you know that eventually, I intend to turn this blog into a book for Devyn, detailing her first year (and maybe beyond) and that comments will definitely be a part of that book.

So, if you'd ever like to write a comment and address it to Devyn, please feel free! She will get to read them eventually.

Three Months Old

Dear Devyn,



We are at your Gran and Pop's house in Dallas for this three-month birthday, and I'm having such a wonderful time showing you off to everyone here. You have gotten to meet your Great-Grandma A. and your Poppy, which is so special for me. It is amazing to have four generations of our family together at one time.



You're growing so fast. You weighed 9 pounds, 14 ounces at your last weigh in, but I'm sure you are past 10 pounds now. You love to listen to me sing the alphabet song, which is your favorite right now, and you watch me so closely, studying how my mouth moves. I feel like you're learning all the time. You don't like to ride in your car seat very much and tend to fuss when we put you in. But you were pretty good on the airplane (which makes me glad we decided to fly instead of drive for 14 hours!).



You're grabbing the rings on your play gym pretty regularly now and you're also playing with your "squish," a toy with wooden beads and elastic strings. You also LOVE to hold onto a burp cloth or blanket and stick it in your mouth.



Your cousin Grey is so enchanted with you! He says "BA BA!" all the time, which means baby, and he wants to pet you and watch you and see where you are. It's adorable!


This month in the wider world, the space shuttle launched for the last time; a brand new nation, Southern Sudan, was officially born; and Betty Ford, our former first lady, passed away.



I will write more about our visit to Dallas soon, but right now I will close by telling you how much you are loved by everyone in our family. Your Gran and Pop, of course, adore you. But your Grandma A. can't stop talking about how beautiful and bright you are, and your Poppy is just enchanted with you and loves to hold you and give you kisses. When you smile at either of them, their faces light up with joy, and I will hold that image in my heart forever.



Love always,

~Mommy

11 weeks: Astro-Symmetry

Dear Devyn,

When I was about a month old, in April of 1981, the space shuttle took it's very first flight. Today, 30 years and 134 flights later when you are almost three months old, the space shuttle launched for its very last flight.

There is something poetic about that kind of symmetry. My only hope is that we see some new kind of manned space flight early in your lifetime, so that you can be inspired the way I was inspired. I'm the only kid I know who was reading Carl Sagan at the age of 12 just for fun, or who was practically giddy to get to the astrophysics unit in her physics class in high school. If I'd been better able to do the math, who knows; I might have been an astronomer or an astrophysicist.

We listened to the space shuttle launch together this morning on the radio, and although I know you won't remember it, it will be a special memory for me.

Love,
Mom

10 weeks, 4 days: Future Glimpses

I realized tonight that the smell of the basswood tree blooming in our front yard might be the smell of Devyn's childhood (the way the smell of wild onions reminds me of hot summer days after my dad had just cut the lawn).

The taste of ripe, red strawberries or tart gooseberries warm in the sun might be the taste of her childhood (the way I remember the taste of warm peaches from the tree in Poppy's yard).

And the sound of the red winged black bird singing from the cattail groves might be the sound of her childhood (the way I recall the buzz of cicadas that lulled me to sleep).

Two Months Old

Dear Devyn,

I can't believe how much you've grown and changed in just two months—you weighed 9 pounds 4.5 ounces yesterday, up from 6 pounds, 6 ounces when you were born. I have these crazy moments when I try to remember that you were inside me, which is just insane. And I have other moments when I think I'm catching a glimpse of the person you are and are becoming. It's incredible to look backwards and forwards at both simultaneously.

I feel like I'm getting to know you more all the time, and that you are getting to know yourself, with distinct likes and dislikes. You like to listen to music with me, and kick your legs happily when I sing along to you. One of your favorites is "Mr. Sun," by Raffi. You love to play with your daddy when he makes funny faces at you. You love to be held upright so you can look around at the world. You like to lie on your play mat and smile at the toys and the bright colors. You still don't like to have your clothes changed, you don't like to ride in your car seat, and you get grumpy when it's time to go to sleep; I think it's because you don't want to fall asleep and miss anything.

Everyone comments on how alert and engaged you are, even strangers. And everyone—even strangers—comments on how beautiful you are.

Your smile is just about the most amazing thing I've ever seen. Sometimes, when I come to pick you up out of your crib, you grin at me with the biggest, goofiest toothless grin and I just have to laugh. It's a thing of pure joy. Last week, you grabbed and held onto a rattle for the first time, and actually seemed to enjoy swinging it around. Your Aunt Em suggested that we put a toy on your car seat for you to look at, and I think it really helps when we have to drive somewhere. I'm really very excited for you to start really engaging with your toys.

We had a couple of hard days when I got very frustrated, but I was never frustrated with you, only with myself because I felt like I didn't know what to do for you. But that, too, has passed, and we've settled into a pretty good routine. Part of the problem seems to be that your naps have changed from an hour and a half long to only 45 minutes long, and I was fighting it. But now that I'm going with the flow, I think we're doing better.

You sleep in your crib in your own room every night. I felt a little pang in my heart when we moved the pack and play out of our bedroom—that you were already growing up and becoming more independent, even at this tiny age. But that's exactly as it should be. You're sleeping anywhere from four to six hours at a go every night now, which is doing wonders for your parents' sanity, so thanks for that. In fact, one night this week you slept for nearly eight hours! And, you're taking almost all your naps in your crib as well. Definite progress.

Your daddy gives you a bottle every night, and I know he likes being able to help out and spend time with you. He gets better and better at putting you to sleep every day (in his defense, he doesn't have NEARLY as much opportunity to practice as I do!). Last weekend he went to his first appointment to get an old tattoo removed, and I think it shows that he loves us very, very much. (It's really gross looking; I'm thinking of taking a picture of it to show to you should you want to get a tattoo before you're 30 or so.)

Your great-grandmother Alma passed away this month. She was your Grandma Zana's stepmother, and daddy's grandmother, and I'm sure she would have adored you. Maybe one day you will get to visit her house in Florida and ask your Grandma Zana to tell you all about her.

We love you more and more every day. You continue to amaze and astound us, and I know you will keep it up just about forever!!

In the wider world this month, the largest wildfire in Arizona's history is still burning, and the smoke reached all the way to Denver; Denver elected a new mayor, Michael Hancock; the Dallas Mavericks won their first NBA title; and President Obama went to visit Puerto Rico, the first sitting president to do so since JFK, and his wife and daughters got to meet Nelson Mandela.

Love you always, sweet girl,
~your mommy